well people, this is the year that all children born in 1986 will finish their teen years. now it's time for all of us "tigers" to get out there and be real people, and have real responsibilities.

 

i was just talking about being a 20-year-old with my friend. one of the scariest things of growing old is that we are no longer allowed to act like idiots all the time. i mean, even if someone was 19, the "teen" at the end explained everything - staying up late chatting and listening to loud music, reading comic books and generally having a devil-may-care lifestyle. now that we're "twenty-x", we have to act mature and responsible.

 

i think that's the worst part - the fact that i have to accept that no one else is going to give me anything. i mean, i've gotten over the fact that i'm not going to get everything i asked for - that's real kid stuff. the next step is to realise that there is no one there to give you what you need to live you life. the idea that if you do nothing, nothing will be yours. now's the time to pick up your game, and get down to surviving on your own.

 

boarding sch was a good halfway. food and shelter are provided for, but other than that, school is your own domain - how well you do depends on how much you work. but what if food and shelter weren't a solid entity? what if it depended on your success or failure at your work? that's what really freaks me out - uncertainty.

 

*sigh* i guess i'm in deep shit.

 

peace out.

later.

we have finally hit the milestone moment: this is the first time - EVER - that i can actually say this, and it's probably the only time, too. i'm hoping this isn't the only time, though. it's one of the few things that actually bouys my hopes for humanity, so...

 

well done, Singapore.

 

recently there was a Dialouge session where government officials met with 1,700 community leaders to discuss whatever they wished to discuss. despite the slow takeoff, eventually people came around and started really laying into the speakers. questions about the ISD (Internal Security Department) interrogation methods, racial problems etc etc. and what's really shocking is that the people were assured that no matter the circumstance, they need not fear the ire of the government!

 

the people were really brave too. the issues discussed were very delicate, the most delicate being racial issues. Mr Ramli Puteh was the first to bring up the subject. it seems there has been talk of supporting the hiring of minorities by rewarding employers who do so. one major concern is that doing so would belittle the successes and pride of the people who get employed because of this idea. the response was that the idea was bad, plain and simple. no, "we're looking into it, but it's not looking good". just a flat "bad idea there, because..."

 

the government said that singapore is not a well-integrated multi-racial country. this is a total turnaround from the typical vernacular of "singapore is a multi-racial, multi-cultural haven with opportunities for all". we all know this isn't true, but for the same people who came up with it to admit that it MIGHT not be true, well...

 

anywayz, we'll see how long it lasts. (:

 

peace out.

later.

 

P.S. i didn't go to SI. i finally regained my senses.

not even halfway through the day and already i'm ashamed of 2 things:

 

a) i signed up for singapore idol. let the mockery come, but i did. my colleague signed and he was all chipper about it, kinda got to me too, so last night i completed the form. my god what was i thinking?! totally against my principles and opinions, i signed up for one of the greatest embarrassments to all kind, not just for me personally, but for all mankind that singapore could think they'd produce a real star. now my guts are wrenching from the sickness in my stomach. every time i remember myself i just wanna shoot myself in the head for even thinking it, let alone DOING it. oh my god, there better not be anything that allows those fucking idiots to mock on tv. not that they really matter, they're just "artists", or so they think they are.

 

b) one of my friends recently came back online after a 6 month absence in milan. losing touch with this person is one of the worst things i've ever had to endure, seeing as how i liked her for a while. unfortunately, i read her blog for kicks one day. apparently she'd been seeing quite a few guys there (hopefully in a nice way). totally wrecked me for a while. over it now, and i know it's irrational, but the sting still hurts. so when she came online and i was talking to her, just wanted to stonewall her -  say hi, polite conversation. if you know me well enough, you know i don't make "polite conversation" online. when i talk to someone it's because i WANT to talk to that person. if i make "polite conversation" it's  because i'm pissed at that person. this is the only way i know of to tell someone i'm not happy w/ him/her. i just couldn't resolve the image of my friend going around kissing random guys. felt like i was losing someone i knew for a long time, then suddenly realising that i didn't know this person before me at all, like she was a total stranger. to top it off, because she's in another country, i don't really see her at all, which isn't much of a change from before she left. irrational and childish, i know. but that's how i feel. i miss the old person, and i'm not sure i can wrap my head around this new one.

 

*sigh* thoroughly shameful. what was i thinking? my god. SI can kiss my ass, and to my friend: i'm sorry i was a jerk this morning.

 

peace out.

later.

well this year's CNY celebrations might be the best i've had in a while.

 

for the past few years, my sister has always been in the US for CNY. well this year, having finished her studies, she has joined us! no longer is it just me, hanging around trying not to make a nuisance of myself in the meantime.

 

well this year was a really small celebration. we went to see my dad's side, then my mom's side, had a tonne of food in the meantime (at BOTH houses ^^) and eventually had dinner w/ my dad's navy friends @ long beach. chilli crab, cold crab and other assorted sea foods all around! *yummy* that's like the highlight of the evening. OH! i got the chance to sit in uncle james' miata! man that car sounds fantastic. according to him, the people who originally designed his car had the sound of a european car in mind, so they built the engine to sound like one! that's totally awesome. when i stepped on the gas, the response was instant! just the lightest touch sent it straight to 4000 rpms...how awesome is that? not even my dad's car can do that! of course it's a little freaky on a car that has like the smallest wheel base of any car in the world, so it's a little worrisome that there's so much power packed into a short car - spin-out anyone? (:

 

quiet second day. first time...ever! my parents didn't have ANYONE over, except a few friends, and my dad's side visited for a while, which was fun (:

 

third day: most fun. every year until like 2000 (???) the ex-CNVs visited each others' homes, so they met at like 5 locations, and the kids got to hang out at alot of places and chat the whole time. however, as time went on there were more and more CNVs, so instead of spending the whole day travelling, they decided to clear ALL the visiting at one shot with the LUNCH. well, this reception was pretty boring at first. i mean, the kids were all going off to uni and stuff, and i was pretty much alone, 'cept for my god-family. i did get to meet some of the kids at one reception or another, but it'll be at LEAST 4-5 years before we're all back in singapore. that'll be me going to australia for uni (: lolz. anywayz, as usual i hang around the old people. but this year, i also got to chat w/ pearline! it's been eons since i last saw her at a navy function, seeing as how her dad isn't a CNV, but that didn't really matter. took a photo, which turned out so bad i couldn't see properly - had to delete it. oh well!! (:

 

collected alot of 'red packets' or 'ang baos', had a blast, and ate myself to heart disease i'm sure ^^ but overall a good new year. we'll see how it turns out yeah? (:

 

peace out.

later.